SIDE 1

PILAR

Tell me those are fun-sized.

(ELLE comes out of her room.)

ELLE

Girls, must we all descend into madness?

PILAR

Oh, honey, so good to see you... Look! We brought you new magazines. We've got Town and Country and your favorite, the one they named after you, Elle Magazine.

(The DELTA Nus surround ELLE and try to cheer her up with a stack of magazines. ELLE listlessly leafs through an issue of Town and Country magazine.)

ELLE

Thanks, Pilar. But it's gonna take more than Elle and Town and Country to bring me back from my Shame Spiral.

MARGOT

Well then sweetie, you're just gonna hafta hold on 'cause the new Vogue's not out 'til next week.

(The GIRS make a triangle symbol and look heavenward. ELLE smiles despite herself and flips through Town and Country then screams bloody-murder.)

SERENA

What? Don't tell me ponchos are back in.

(ELLE jerks to attention, holds up the magazine.)

ELLE

No, worse! It's Warner's brother - Peyton Huntington the Fourth and his bride! Pictures from his wedding! LOOK!

(MARGOT and SERENA inspect the photo and collective cringe.)

SERENA

(horrified)

Muffy Vanderbilt?!

MARGOT, SERENA & PILAR

Muffy?!

ELLE

Wait a sec! That's the kind of girl Warner wants! Someone serious!