Script

Hey, Gregory!

Marcellus!

You old son of a gun! What in -

(Hastily pushing aside proffered hand)
Sh - sh - shhh.

But Greg -

Professor Hill's the name - Harold Hill.

But Greg, what are you doing here? Whyn't you let me know you was comin'?

I didn't know I was myself. Besides how could I know you'd end up in a little tank town like this? You were a pretty big slicker when you were in business with me.

Too may close shaves the way you work. Besides I got me a nice comfortable girl - Ethel Toffelmier - boss's niece.

Gone legitimate, huh? I knew you'd come to no good.

What's the new pitch?

(HAROLD pantomimes conducting)

You're not back in the band business! I heard you was in steam automobiles.

I was.

What happened?

Somebody actually invented one.

No!

Now give me the lowdown here, Marce.

You'll never get anywhere in the band business with these stubborn Iowans, Greg. Besides we got a stuck-up music teacher here who'll expose you before you get your grip unpacked.

Male or female?

The music teacher? She's the librarian - female.

Perfect! That's what I wanted to hear. If she passes by point her out to me.

I will. How you gonna start the pitch?

Same old way. Keep that music teacher off balance - and then my next step will be to get your town out of the serious trouble it's in.

River City isn't in any trouble.

Then I'll have to create some. I have to create a desperate need for a Boy's Band. You remember - Now what's new around here. What can I use?

Nothin' - execpt the billiard parlor's just put in a new pool table.

They never had a pool table here before?

No - only billiards.

That'll do.