Audition Central: The Music Man JR.

Script: Marcellus Washburn

MARCELLUS
Hey, Gregory!

HAROLD
Marcellus!

MARCELLUS
You old son of a gun! What in -

HAROLD
(Hastily pushing aside proffered hand)
Sh - sh - shhh.

MARCELLUS
But Greg -

HAROLD
Professor Hill's the name - Harold Hill.

MARCELLUS
But Greg, what are you doing here? Whyn't you let me know you was comin'?

HAROLD
I didn't know I was myself. Besides how could I know you'd end up in a little tank town like this? You were a pretty big slicker when you were in business with me.

MARCELLUS
Too may close shaves the way you work. Besides I got me a nice comfortable girl - Ethel Toffelmier - boss's niece.

HAROLD
Gone legitimate, huh? I knew you'd come to no good.

MARCELLUS
What's the new pitch?

(HAROLD pantomimes conducting)

You're not back in the band business! I heard you was in steam automobiles.

HAROLD
I was.

MARCELLUS
What happened?

HAROLD
Somebody actually invented one.

MARCELLUS
No!

HAROLD
Now give me the lowdown here, Marce.

MARCELLUS
You'll never get anywhere in the band business with these stubborn Iowans, Greg. Besides we got a stuck-up music teacher here who'll expose you before you get your grip unpacked.

HAROLD
Male or female?

MARCELLUS
The music teacher? She's the librarian - female.

HAROLD
Perfect! That's what I wanted to hear. If she passes by point her out to me.

MARCELLUS
I will. How you gonna start the pitch?

HAROLD
Same old way. Keep that music teacher off balance - and then my next step will be to get your town out of the serious trouble it's in.

MARCELLUS
River City isn't in any trouble.

HAROLD
Then I'll have to create some. I have to create a desperate need for a Boy's Band. You remember - Now what's new around here. What can I use?

MARCELLUS
Nothin' - execpt the billiard parlor's just put in a new pool table.

HAROLD
They never had a pool table here before?

MARCELLUS
No - only billiards.

HAROLD
That'll do.