Audition Central: Thoroughly Modern Millie JR.

Script: Miss Flannery

SIDE 1

(MISS FLANNERY enters, seated at a desk on wheels. MILLIE enters and approaches MISS FLANNERY's desk.)

MILLIE
I'm looking for a Miss Flannery?

MISS FLANNERY
You're looking at a Miss Flannery. You are?

MILLIE
Millie Dillmount, to see Mr. Trevor Graydon.

MISS FLANNERY
Senior, Junior or the Third?

MILLIE
Whichever's single.

MISS FLANNERY
Number Three.

MILLIE
Is he hiring?

MISS FLANNERY
Theoretically. Meanwhile, he's looked at every stenog in the tri-state area. Not a one of 'em fast enough.

MILLIE
I'm fast.

MISS FLANNERY
So I gathered.

(inspecting MILLIE's face)
Is that rouge?

MILLIE
You don't like me.

MISS FLANNERY
I don't like Moderns, missy, and you're as up-to-date as they come.

MILLIE
(the nicest thing anyone's ever said to her)

Thank you!

MISS FLANNERY
It wasn't a compliment! And you'd better be fast, if you want the job.

(into the intercom, her voice dripping with honey)
Mr. Graydon? A Miss Dillmount here to see you, sir.

(to MILLIE)
Move it!

(MILLIE exits. MISS FLANNERY wheels herself off.)

SIDE 2

(MISS FLANNERY enters, disguised in ingénue apparel and a curly blonde wig, and carrying a beat-up suitcase. MISS FLANNERY is the oldest guest in the history of the hotel.)

MISS FLANNERY
(indicating the "vacancy" sign)

Excuse me, the sign says vacancy.

MRS. MEERS
So?

MISS FLANNERY
So, I'd like to fill it.

MRS. MEERS
You sure you've come to the right place?

MISS FLANNERY
This is a hotel, isn't it?

MRS. MEERS
Uh-huh. The Hotel Priscilla, a residence for young ladies.

MISS FLANNERY
And I need a room.

MRS. MEERS
Suit yourself. A nice sunny room just became available.

MISS FLANNERY
I can't wait to settle in and start making friends. I don't know a soul in New York. I don't know a soul anywhere... except at the orphanage!

MRS. MEERS
(the word "orphan" is like catnip to her)

Oh?! Sad to be all alone in the world. But surely, that was years ago.

MISS FLANNERY
Not at all. I came straight away from St. Bonaventure's Home for Orphaned Children.

MRS. MEERS
Did you walk? Now, before I show you to your room, why don't we get acquainted over a freshly brewed cup of tea?

MISS FLANNERY
(exiting into MRS. MEERS's office)

Oh, I'm crazy for tea!