Script
Audition Central: Disney's Mulan JR.
Script: Yao
SIDE 1
How could this nincompoop be the son of Fa Zhou? Fa Zhou was one of the greatest warriors in all of China.
(to MULAN)
You'll never be the man your father is.
The nasty bureaucrat does have a point there...
Fall in!
(The SOLDIERS form a line. MULAN does not know what to do.)
Get in line, Private Fa.
(MULAN joins the line.)
Attention, soldiers! Roll call!
(YAO elbows his way out in front.)
Private Yao, reporting for duty, sir. You might just wanna make me a general right now. 'Cuz, I am loaded with potential. And if any of youse disagree... then maybe you'd like to meet a couple of friends of mine... Mr. Po...
(holds up one fist)
...and Mr. Tential!
(YAO holds up his other fist. QIAN-PO gently puts his arm around YAO and helps him back in line.)
Now, now... the army is no place for fighting.
(LING bolts out.)
Ling reporting for duty, too. I mean also. I mean, ditto. I've got plenty of that potential stuff, too. I am stinkin' with potential, crawling with potential. And boy, I'm here to tell ya, does it itch!
(LING starts scratching and steps back. QIAN-PO sweetly steps forward.)
Qian-Po reporting for duty. Thank you for the honor of serving. Speaking of serving, I noticed that the rice was just the tiniest bit dry this morning. Is there anything we could do about that?
(YAO, LING and QIAN-PO step out of line to confer.)
Yeah, I noticed that too.
Sort of stuck to the roof of my mouth.
(stepping forward)
Excuse me, fellas. Here's some virile cooking advice. It sounds like it was either overcooked or they didn't add enough water...
Oh, really? Interesting. You don't say.
Silence! We are going to be battling the fiercest enemy that China has ever seen, and you are swapping recipes!
The Emperor will hear about this! Note to self: Sell out troops for personal political gain...
Right now my father's troops are all that stand between the Huns and the Imperial Palace. They'll need our help. Somehow I'm going to whip you men into soldiers.
(SHANG snaps his fingers. Two SOLDIERS bring on a rope with a red flag tied to the middle.)
Here is your test. I will hold on to one end of this rope. Each soldier will take a turn on the other end. The first man to capture the flag will be a true soldier.
(Each SOLDIER tries to tug-of-war and fails. MULAN is the worst.)
SIDE 2
Yao, Ling, Qian-Po! Did you hear what I said? The Huns are here!
(YAO, LING and QIAN-PO ignore her.)
Why won't anyone listen to me?
You're a girl again, remember?
(The EMPEROR enters his balcony above the crowd. Behind him, two masked GUARDS hold a banner between them.)
Citizens of China! Heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom! China will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors!
(The CROWD cheers.)
I offer thanks to Captain Shang.
(to SHANG)
I know that your father would have been very proud. I present to you the sword of Shan-Yu!
(The EMPEROR holds the sword over his head. The GUARDS drop their masks they are MAGYAR and SUBAR-TU. From behind their banner emerges SHAN-YU. He takes the sword from the EMPEROR'S hands and grabs the EMPEROR. HUNS storm the stage.)
Note to self: Run!
(CHI FU runs off.)
Say goodbye to your Emperor. Soon there will be a new leader of China! And his name is... Shan-Yu!
(SHAN-YU and the HUNS whisk the EMPEROR offstage. The crowd disperses in a panic. SHANG, YAO, LING and QIAN-PO huddle together. MULAN stands beside them.)
We'll storm the palace!
(MULAN interrupts.)
Wait! A battle would take too long. We'll never reach the Emperor in time.
He she Mulan's got a point.
Yeah.
Perhaps we should listen to her.
Mulan, you're not a soldier. You're just a girl.
(to the GUYS)
We have to fight. We have no other choice.
But I have a plan!
Ignore her. Come on, men!
You said you'd trust Ping! Why is Mulan any different?
(This stops SHANG.)
What's your plan?
Maidens!
Uh, maidens are a great idea, but I don't really think that we have time for a date.
Not with the Emperor abducted and all.
No... think! What's the one thing that the Huns would never be afraid of?
Kittens?
Girls! Remember, what can't be achieved with one's muscle can be achieved with one's mind.
Like the tug-of-war! We'll catch them off guard!
Exactly. We'll be able to sneak into the palace dressed as maidens. Harmless little girls. All we need are some cheongsams.
Now, where are you going to find cheongsams at a time like this?
(A CHEONGSAM SALESPERSON enters with cheongsams and fans.)
Cheongsams! Get your red-hot cheongsams here!
We'll take four. Hurry!
Do you have anything in a dusty rose?
Mulan, I don't think I can pull this off. I don't know how to be a girl.
(The GUYS agree.)
I guess it's your turn to watch and learn.