Audition Central: The Music Man JR.

Script: Harold Hill

SIDE 1

MARCELLUS
Hey, Gregory!

HAROLD
Marcellus!

MARCELLUS
You old son of a gun! What in -

HAROLD
(Hastily pushing aside proffered hand)
Sh - sh - shhh.

MARCELLUS
But Greg -

HAROLD
Professor Hill's the name - Harold Hill.

MARCELLUS
But Greg, what are you doing here? Whyn't you let me know you was comin'?

HAROLD
I didn't know I was myself. Besides how could I know you'd end up in a little tank town like this? You were a pretty big slicker when you were in business with me.

MARCELLUS
Too may close shaves the way you work. Besides I got me a nice comfortable girl - Ethel Toffelmier - boss's niece.

HAROLD
Gone legitimate, huh? I knew you'd come to no good.

MARCELLUS
What's the new pitch?

(HAROLD pantomimes conducting)

You're not back in the band business! I heard you was in steam automobiles.

HAROLD
I was.

MARCELLUS
What happened?

HAROLD
Somebody actually invented one.

MARCELLUS
No!

HAROLD
Now give me the lowdown here, Marce.

MARCELLUS
You'll never get anywhere in the band business with these stubborn Iowans, Greg. Besides we got a stuck-up music teacher here who'll expose you before you get your grip unpacked.

HAROLD
Male or female?

MARCELLUS
The music teacher? She's the librarian - female.

HAROLD
Perfect! That's what I wanted to hear. If she passes by point her out to me.

MARCELLUS
I will. How you gonna start the pitch?

HAROLD
Same old way. Keep that music teacher off balance - and then my next step will be to get your town out of the serious trouble it's in.

MARCELLUS
River City isn't in any trouble.

HAROLD
Then I'll have to create some. I have to create a desperate need for a Boy's Band. You remember - Now what's new around here. What can I use?

MARCELLUS
Nothin' - execpt the billiard parlor's just put in a new pool table.

HAROLD
They never had a pool table here before?

MARCELLUS
No - only billiards.

HAROLD
That'll do.

(HE puts down his suitcase, HAROLD speaks loudly to Marcellus drawing a crowd.)

Either you're closing your eye to a situation you don't wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.

SIDE 2

MARIAN
Winthrop!

(Grabbing him, WINTHROP breaks away but HAROLD grabs him)

HAROLD
Hey, wait a minute here, son.

WINTHROP
(struggling)
I'm not your thon! Leave go me!

HAROLD
Not till I talk to you for a minute.

WINTHROP
(Trying to fight loose)
I won't lithen! You wouldn't tell the truth anyway.

HAROLD
I would too.

WINTHROP
Would not.

HAROLD
Would too! Tell you anything you want to know.

WINTHROP
(Holding still for a minute)
Can you lead a band?

HAROLD
No.

WINTHROP
Are you a big liar?

HAROLD
Yes.

WINTHROP
Are you a dirty rotten crook?

HAROLD
Yes.

WINTHROP
Leave me go, you big liar!

HAROLD
What's the matter? You wanted the truth, didn't you? Now I'm bigger'n you and you're going to stand here and get it all so you might as well quit wiggling. There's two things you're entitled to know. One, you're a wonderful kid. I thought so from the first. That's why I wanted you in the band, just so you'd quit mopin' around feeling sorry for yourself.

WINTHROP
What band?

HAROLD
I always think there's a band, kid.

WINTHROP
What'th the other thing I'm entitled to now?

HAROLD
(Looking at MARIAN.)
Well - actually the other thing isn't any your business now that I think of it.

WINTHROP
I with you'd never come to River Thity!

MARIAN
No you don't, Winthrop.

WINTHROP
Thithter! You believe him?

MARIAN
I believe everything he ever said. The way every kid in this town walked around here all summer, and looked and acted. Especially you! And the parents, too. Does Mama wish he'd never come to River City?

WINTHROP
Well you do, don't you?

MARIAN
No, Winthrop. Now go, Harold - please.

WINTHROP
Go on, Profethor, hurry up.

HAROLD
I can't go, Winthrop.

WINTHROP
Why not?

HAROLD
For the first time in my life I got my foot caught in the door.

(MARIAN and HAROLD embrace)

MARCELLUS
(Entering)
Greg!

(Desperately)
Greg, they're here! That way - that way!

WINTHROP
Go on, Profethor. That way - that way.