Script

SIDE 1

(MISS FLANNERY enters, seated at a desk on wheels. MILLIE enters and approaches MISS FLANNERY's desk.)

I'm looking for a Miss Flannery?

You're looking at a Miss Flannery. You are?

Millie Dillmount, to see Mr. Trevor Graydon.

Senior, Junior or the Third?

Whichever's single.

Number Three.

Is he hiring?

Theoretically. Meanwhile, he's looked at every stenog in the tri-state area. Not a one of 'em fast enough.

I'm fast.

So I gathered.

(inspecting MILLIE's face)
Is that rouge?

You don't like me.

I don't like Moderns, missy, and you're as up-to-date as they come.

(the nicest thing anyone's ever said to her)

Thank you!

It wasn't a compliment! And you'd better be fast, if you want the job.

(into the intercom, her voice dripping with honey)
Mr. Graydon? A Miss Dillmount here to see you, sir.

(to MILLIE)
Move it!

(MILLIE exits. MISS FLANNERY wheels herself off.)

SIDE 2

(MISS FLANNERY enters, disguised in ingénue apparel and a curly blonde wig, and carrying a beat-up suitcase. MISS FLANNERY is the oldest guest in the history of the hotel.)

(indicating the "vacancy" sign)

Excuse me, the sign says vacancy.

So?

So, I'd like to fill it.

You sure you've come to the right place?

This is a hotel, isn't it?

Uh-huh. The Hotel Priscilla, a residence for young ladies.

And I need a room.

Suit yourself. A nice sunny room just became available.

I can't wait to settle in and start making friends. I don't know a soul in New York. I don't know a soul anywhere... except at the orphanage!

(the word "orphan" is like catnip to her)

Oh?! Sad to be all alone in the world. But surely, that was years ago.

Not at all. I came straight away from St. Bonaventure's Home for Orphaned Children.

Did you walk? Now, before I show you to your room, why don't we get acquainted over a freshly brewed cup of tea?

(exiting into MRS. MEERS's office)

Oh, I'm crazy for tea!