Script

SIDE 1

Hey, Gregory!

Marcellus!

You old son of a gun! What in -

(Hastily pushing aside proffered hand)
Sh - sh - shhh.

But Greg -

Professor Hill's the name - Harold Hill.

But Greg, what are you doing here? Whyn't you let me know you was comin'?

I didn't know I was myself. Besides how could I know you'd end up in a little tank town like this? You were a pretty big slicker when you were in business with me.

Too may close shaves the way you work. Besides I got me a nice comfortable girl - Ethel Toffelmier - boss's niece.

Gone legitimate, huh? I knew you'd come to no good.

What's the new pitch?

(HAROLD pantomimes conducting)

You're not back in the band business! I heard you was in steam automobiles.

I was.

What happened?

Somebody actually invented one.

No!

Now give me the lowdown here, Marce.

You'll never get anywhere in the band business with these stubborn Iowans, Greg. Besides we got a stuck-up music teacher here who'll expose you before you get your grip unpacked.

Male or female?

The music teacher? She's the librarian - female.

Perfect! That's what I wanted to hear. If she passes by point her out to me.

I will. How you gonna start the pitch?

Same old way. Keep that music teacher off balance - and then my next step will be to get your town out of the serious trouble it's in.

River City isn't in any trouble.

Then I'll have to create some. I have to create a desperate need for a Boy's Band. You remember - Now what's new around here. What can I use?

Nothin' - execpt the billiard parlor's just put in a new pool table.

They never had a pool table here before?

No - only billiards.

That'll do.

(HE puts down his suitcase, HAROLD speaks loudly to Marcellus drawing a crowd.)

Either you're closing your eye to a situation you don't wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community.

SIDE 2

Winthrop!

(Grabbing him, WINTHROP breaks away but HAROLD grabs him)

Hey, wait a minute here, son.

(struggling)
I'm not your thon! Leave go me!

Not till I talk to you for a minute.

(Trying to fight loose)
I won't lithen! You wouldn't tell the truth anyway.

I would too.

Would not.

Would too! Tell you anything you want to know.

(Holding still for a minute)
Can you lead a band?

No.

Are you a big liar?

Yes.

Are you a dirty rotten crook?

Yes.

Leave me go, you big liar!

What's the matter? You wanted the truth, didn't you? Now I'm bigger'n you and you're going to stand here and get it all so you might as well quit wiggling. There's two things you're entitled to know. One, you're a wonderful kid. I thought so from the first. That's why I wanted you in the band, just so you'd quit mopin' around feeling sorry for yourself.

What band?

I always think there's a band, kid.

What'th the other thing I'm entitled to now?

(Looking at MARIAN.)
Well - actually the other thing isn't any your business now that I think of it.

I with you'd never come to River Thity!

No you don't, Winthrop.

Thithter! You believe him?

I believe everything he ever said. The way every kid in this town walked around here all summer, and looked and acted. Especially you! And the parents, too. Does Mama wish he'd never come to River City?

Well you do, don't you?

No, Winthrop. Now go, Harold - please.

Go on, Profethor, hurry up.

I can't go, Winthrop.

Why not?

For the first time in my life I got my foot caught in the door.

(MARIAN and HAROLD embrace)

(Entering)
Greg!

(Desperately)
Greg, they're here! That way - that way!

Go on, Profethor. That way - that way.